Hello everybody, this is Robert Dilts and welcome to this master class on the inner game. One of the things that Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP) is really good at and is really designed for being able to manage our inner state, manage our inner subjective experience; and this relates very much to this concept of what is known as the inner game. I am going to be presenting about that and which ways that NLP can help us to excel in this inner game. I am going to be showing a few slides and we will be doing also couple of simple inner game practices in this session.
Slide 1: The “Inner Game”
Just to begin, this is part of our NLP University International virtual practitioner program. So I thank you for joining us. The idea of the inner game was actually developed by a man named Timothy Galway who began formulating this notion in the early 1970s. Timothy Galway was a high-level tennis player. He was, in fact, the head of the Harvard tennis team and was very committed to being the best that he could be. He would, of course, spend, like any good athlete, a lot of time practicing. But he noticed they would reach these kind of plateaus where, no matter how hard he practiced, he could not really take his game to another level.
And it just so happened that, at this time in the early 70s, things like meditation and mindfulness were getting popular. And, by chance, Galway happened to take a meditation class, a transcendental meditation class. To his surprise, his tennis game suddenly took a big leap, and he was wondering what happened. What was the difference that made that difference? And this began to lead him to this idea of the notion an inner game. As he says here, "In every human endeavor, there are two areas of engagement the outer and the inner. The outer game is played on an outer external arena to overcome external obstacles, to reach an external goal." We can say using external resources and something like tennis, you have got your tennis racket, you have got your net, you have got all the things that you are working with, you are trying to achieve a particular goal.
The inner game, though, takes place within the mind – and we would say not just the cognitive mind. But in many ways all of these different minds of the player: the somatic mind, the cognitive mind, and in many ways this what we might call this field mind. And it is played against “such obstacles as fear, self-doubt, lapses, and focus limiting concepts and assumptions. The inner game is played to overcome such self-imposed obstacles that prevent a person an individual or a team from accessing their full potential.” And I think this is a really powerful way of framing some of the things that NLP is really striving to do and that NLP can really contribute to.
Slide 2: The Inner Game and the Outer Game
Now, I like to point out that when your inner obstacles meet outer obstacles or when outer obstacles meet inner obstacles, you basically are going to have an unsolvable problem. But when an outer obstacle is met by our inner resources, we have a potentially achievable challenge. And when inner obstacles are met by outer resources, we could say it is our lucky day. My inner obstacle is given some kind of an external resource. And when inner resources meet outer resources, we can say that the result is magic.
Slide 3: The “Inner Game”
So if we say that, when we look at the inner game, one of the things that is a big part of the inner game is what is known as the “zone of excellence,” or this idea of athletes talk about “playing in the zone.” And I know as a runner, and I run sixty to ninety minutes every day, usually ninety minutes, and there is a place where I can get into this kind of a zone where it seems like I could just keep going forever that becomes and in some ways effortless. So in “the zone” we talk about this idea of an “effortless excellence.” Now, that zone is not only about athletics. As Galway was saying, it is in every endeavor and Galway has also developed notions of the inner game for business and inner game for let us say, for leaders, for speakers. And when you are in this zone, especially whether in athletics or in any other type of performance, it is characterized by what we might call a feeling of “humble authority.” So it is kind of a sense of self-confidence without arrogance. There is an absence of anxiety, of self-doubt. So again, there is no fear of failure or self-consciousness about achieving the goal. I think this is one thing that probably all of us have experienced in some places at some time.
The second quality of this inner game is what we would call a kind of “relaxed readiness” in the body and a “focused spaciousness” in the mind. These are interesting kinds of complementary aspects of our inner state because, often, if I am ready, I am not relaxed; I am tense. If I am relaxed, I am not ready. Similarly in my mind if I am focused, I am not spacious. If I am spacious, I lack focus. So these are kind of very interesting complementary states. And I think these really do characterize that notion of peak performance and what people call a state of “flow.” So there is again that sense of performance is coming without effort without having to think about it. And usually you are also feeling a connection to something beyond yourself. You feel like it is something more than you is there.
Slide 4: Opening the Channel
One of my favorite examples of this state of flow is characterized by this comment by Martha Graham, who is considered one of the founders of modern expressive dance. And she says, "There is a vitality, there is a life force, a quickening which we could say is an energy that is translated through you into action and because there is only one you in all time, this expression is unique. If you block it, it will never exist do any other medium and be lost, the world will not have it." She says, "It is not yours to determine how good it is or how it compares to other expressions, it is your business to keep the channel open."
So this notion of when we are in that zone, I think is very similar to what Martha Graham is saying – if that channel is open, something is flowing through you. This is what she is calling a life force, a vitality, this unique expression. So clearly, this is a very important and very powerful state. And part of the challenge, of course, is, "How do I get into that state and then how do I maintain it, especially when things are challenging?" Like in a say an athletic competition or in some kind of other challenging circumstance. So that is what I want to explore a little bit in this master class.
Slide 5: The COACH State – Channel Open
One of the things we say when that channel is open, when we are in that zone, it is characterized by what we like to call a COACH state. This is something my wife Debra and I came up with some years ago about to kind of remind ourselves. C-O-A-C-H is an acronym for certain qualities of this experience of the channel being open: Centered in yourself, especially in the belly center. You are Open, open in mind, open in heart, open to possibilities. We say open to give, open to receive. So this openness allows us to Attend to what is going on around us and within us with mindfulness, with a mindful observing awareness. And then from there to Connect to ourselves so that we are connected fully inside but also connected to what is around us, connected to others, connected to our environment. And this allows us to do what we call Holding – welcoming and creating a space for whatever is there from a state of curiosity, of resourcefulness. We say it is a kind of a welcoming awareness so I can be with what is there, whether it is a challenge or whether it is something that is a delight. I can be with all of that and from this place of being centered in myself of being open, alert and connected.
Slide 6: The CRASH State – Channel Closed
Now the opposite of this, we could say, when you are not in the zone, when the channel is closed is what we call CRASH state. It is another acronym that means instead of being centered, I am Contracted. Instead of being open, I am Reactive. Instead of being alert and aware, I am caught in Analysis paralysis or some other form of paralysis. Instead of being connected, I am Separated. And instead of this sense of holding, this kind of welcoming presence, there is a Hostility – hurting, hating, hitting.
Now, in some other videos and examples, we illustrate how to go into this COACH state, so I am not going to really spend time on that here. But it is important, this notion of COACH state, because it does relate to what we are going to be exploring here. So again, there will be some other videos that help you to get into that state and explain a little bit more about it.
Slide 7: Four Self-Mastery Skills for Optimal Mindset
However from the perspective of inner game, what I want to focus on in this class is little bit about what we call the four self-mastery skills for getting to an optimal mindset. One of the things we would say in NLP is that clearly, it is our mindset that is going to determine the way we respond and react. And the way you react is go course going to determine the outcomes in the results you get. But it starts with your mindset and so that is why we want to practice these four skills.
First one being self-awareness. If I am not aware of what is going on, I have no choice about it. I am not aware of what is happening in me, it just is. I am not aware, for example, that I am tense or that my channel is closed. This is just how reality is. When I can be aware of it, I can have the possibility of a choice. So self-awareness involves increasing your awareness of the key both the cognitive and somatic elements that are making up and influencing my inner state and mindset. Once I am aware, we can do something we call “calibration,” which will be going to more deeply another master class. But essentially, calibration is assessing the state. Once I am aware of it, I can say well, "Okay, where is it with respect to some sort of optimum level?" And here is where we will see, we can start to put it on a scale. It is not all or nothing. I can be sort of and I can be halfway in a good mindset. I can be halfway out of it. So there are many gradations to that awareness and that sense of "Okay, where am I with respect to some kind of desired or optimal state?" That allows me to begin to make some kind of self-adjustment. And this means I can adjust the key elements to produce a more appropriate or optimum expression. And then explore the new options that that creates in terms of my behaviors and the outcomes I can reach. So and then we can do something we call “self-anchoring” in NLP. The process of anchoring itself will be a subject for whole future master class. But the basic idea of it is finding cues and triggers that help to remember and sort of solidify, to stabilize, this optimum expression of mindset and inner state.
Slide 7: Four Self-Mastery Skills for Optimal Mindset
So what I want to do in this Master Class is work through these four skills and have us get a sense of how we might practice them for ourselves. And so basic question of self-mastery is, "What am I aware of in any particular moment right now, I could stop and ask me ask myself that question? What am I aware of this happening in my inner game?" There is a lot that is going on in my outer game right now. I am speaking to you, I am making gestures etc. Those are all being driven by what is happening inside of me. A lot of it is not conscious. Most of the time when we are speaking we are not conscious of how it is that we are doing that – what kind of imagery that is coming through us, what sensations are flowing in our body. But I can often just pause for a moment bring my attention to that inner game and get a sense of what is happening there. Then once I do that I can say, "Okay, well, I wonder where am I on a scale say zero to ten with respect to my optimal mindset?” – where zero would be I am completely out of it. I am in kind of this complete CRASH state. This becomes very interesting as well. Okay, maybe I am not completely CRASHed but I could be a little bit anxious. That could be like, instead of being a zero, maybe that is three or four."
So this becomes something very interesting to do and to learn to do. This is something that you can only do through your own self-practice. And very often, we like to just allow our intuitive intelligence to come up with a number. Once I do that, I can ask, "What can I do to shift that to a more optimal level?" Maybe do something with my body; maybe say something to myself; maybe picture something; and maybe connect to certain quality of feeling or sensation. Again, we will be doing other classes on State Management where there are many, many, many possibilities that NLP can offer you in doing that. And then finally self-anchoring, "What can help me to remember and to hold that level of optimum state?" So that is the kind of thing that we are going to want to do as a little practice here.
Slide 8: Self-Calibration
This is an image that my colleague and friend is also an NLP trainer, Antonio Meza who has illustrated some of my books, drew to sort of give that sense, this idea of self-calibration, "Where am I and then what can I do to potentially increase that?"
Slide 9: Practicing Regaining Optimal Mindset
So here is the little exercise where I will just have us think about here and invite you to take a moment and think of a challenging situation where you would like to improve your performance? It does not have to be a bad or even negative situation. It could be a challenge to improve my ability as a public speaker, or a challenge to improve how I am as a parent. And then, kind of find those situations where I know that I might not be giving my best performance; I might not be getting my best result. And one of the things we are going to do is, this is very common thing we do with NLP, putting ourselves into that experience using some combination of memory and imagination. So if it is something that you experienced recently, you can kind of remember it. In NLP, we talk about seeing what you saw, hearing what you heard, feeling what you felt in that situation. But if it is something that you are anticipating, you can use your imagination. Sometimes you can even use a combination of both.
And so the idea is you are really engaging it; either reliving it or projecting yourself into it as a type of a mental rehearsal. And as you really put yourself into that context, into that specific concrete context, that is where you first start bringing your awareness, "What am I aware of in my inner game?" Yes, there is what is happening in the outer game that might be challenging. It could be struggle. Maybe it involves other people or involves other things in that situation. But really what the key thing here is to learn to distinguish the outer from the inner. When you can do that, it makes a lot of things so much easier. And big part of what NLP is about is learning how we bring that attention to the inner game. And once you are in that inner game, you do this calibration on a scale of 0 to 10. how much do you experience this sense of a COACH state? How centered am I? How open am I? How aware am I? How connected? How well am my able to kind of hold whatever is going on from this place of my humble authority, my relaxed readiness?
Now again, this is not an analytical measure and if actually you start to try to analyze it you are going to probably go away from the actual place that you need to be in order to gauge that. So this is where I invite you to just sort of intuitively let a number come. And once you have that and if you want to increase it, what do you do? Often like to point out, by the way, that the optimum is not always necessarily the maximum. It is not necessary that we always have to be “10 out of 10.” And sometimes that demand. in fact, becomes something that can bring us a little bit more into what we are calling a CRASH state. So sometimes I find out the difference between six and a half and seven or seven and a half can suddenly make all the difference in the world and suddenly I am back in that zone. And generally what I like to say is that, because we call it a zone right, it is not a fixed point. Generally, we like to say that seven out of ten or better is usually good. It usually means you are pretty much in that zone. You are going to have access to a lot of those resources.
So if it is seven and a half or eight, you might say great, maybe that is going to be good enough. But maybe, even though I know it is place where I am at eight or 8.5, I know I can get even better. I would like to maybe move it to nine or something. So the question then becomes, "What can you do to increase it just a little bit more?” “What could I do physically?” Very often, very simple things like take a conscious breath; like sit back or settle; or open my eyes a little bit wider; relax my shoulders. Those are certain physical things. There are certain things you can say to yourself. You say, “You can do it,” or “Shine baby, shine,” something like that. Visually, you can picture something – you can picture a symbol or you can picture a memory; what we call a “reference experience” of times that I have excelled in the past. You can also use things like a role models. I can imagine somebody who is I think has a fabulous way to do this and a great mindset. Another thing you can do, that we will be exploring in other Master Classes, is what we call “acting as if.” I am just going to act “as if” I can take this to this other level.
And when you do that, then you want to notice what does happen. What level does that move to? Does it go from three to four? Remember, we are not always trying to zoom it up to ten. Sometimes it is better to go step by step. Even if it goes from three to four, what difference does that make? What becomes possible at four that is not possible at three? There are things that are possible at three, that are not possible that two or one. There are things possible at eight that are not possible at seven. So this is what becomes very interesting to anybody who has a desire to be the best version of themselves, to perform, is going to use this kind of awareness.
And then the next question is, "How can you anchor that?" Anchors, as we said, can be something like a gesture. "Yes." I mean if you think of what athletes do often before they start to perform. You will see them doing little rituals, which are their anchors. They might sing something, say something, touch something, or wear something. These are all the things that are anchors that are reminders that help us to re-access and to stay in that state of excellence. So this is something what I invite you to practice, we will be again touching on these things more on other Master Classes.
Slide 10: Finding Your Center
I want to end with one last little exercise that is a self-reflective exercise. This idea of being centered is the key to the COACH state and our inner zone of excellence. And I would like to end with this reflection of really finding when you have been the most centered in yourself. Because that is the first part of COACH, and if you do not have that, the rest is not going to really be all that helpful.
So first thing is to, again as we did before, either remember or imagine at least three activities or experiences of situations where you really, fully felt a sense of flow and being yourself – what you might call your core state, your zone of excellence – and just kind of notice what you are aware of. So if you put yourself in one of those experiences, what is going on in that inner game? And I would like to say, find different examples. Maybe one is where I am out in nature. Maybe another is where I am really interacting well with somebody. Maybe another is where I am in some kind of very creative place in myself. And just kind of notice what seems to be common to all of those? And especially in this inner game – seeing what you see, hearing what you hear, and feeling what you feel in terms of what is happening inside.
Then you can also look to find three examples of challenging times that were difficult, but where you were able to stay centered and stay resourceful in spite of that. Again, finding three different examples. A time where I really was able to stick with something even though it was really difficult. A time when, wow, I was really challenged by another person but, instead of losing it, I was able to stay connected to my center and my resources. Maybe it was a time where there was something was really difficult or dangerous going on, but I was able to stay in that place of centeredness and resourcefulness. And now again, you are bringing the attention to the inner game. And you are doing is a very interesting form of modeling, self-modeling. We say, "What is the pattern that connects those experiences? What is the same about all of those situations?" The outer games are all completely different. The outer situations are quite different. And maybe there are different things that happen of course in the inner game in those different situations. But there is probably something that is deeply same – some kind of centeredness, some kind of connection.
So again, what is that that really lets you know, “I am here. My channel is open, I am in my zone.” And we are going to want to use that as a way to sort of reflect and find what is that way I can anchor myself back into that inner state of excellence.
So these are things that I want to invite you, both of these are things to practice for yourself because for me I have always liked to say I am always my first client. And if it does not work on me, I do not want to do it with somebody else. I remember Richard Bandler, one of the co-founders of NLP, once said, "If it does not work on Robert, it probably will not work on anybody." But that is because if there is something good there I want to get it for myself.
So I hope you find these to be some useful practices for you. I am looking forward to seeing you in my next Master Classes, and I hope that you live more and more with your channel open and from that inner zone of excellence.
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